Well as you know my life is enviable and glamorous
came off last of a succession of longhauls after a few days swimming with SHARKS around boardroom tables and very little sleep having had to suck up to sharks and do my day job long into the night juggling people in time zones, dribbling and weak with exhaustion, and imagining the piles of washing, mess and dirty plates prepared for me by my loving family (there were no disappointments there as it turned out) but - no driver waiting, then after too many angry calls, old driver appears who says ' I'm 75' - not cos it's his birthday but just cos he is
then he was all shifty and insisted on going to the car while he got his ticket - I assumed he wanted a wee or something.
I dutifully got into the draylon back seat of a bouncy suspension-free old nissan...
but actually he'd lost the ticket so we drove round and round the multistorey look for the parking office, then he found it and took 45mins to sort it out, then he tailgated all the way home and cut people up and went psycho the whole way
next driver the following day after another there- n-back trip had such BO I 'did a labrador' and had my head stuck out the window all the way down the M4 - pong pong pong
meantime on a quick hop to ****** after secret meeting of intense skullduggery, I paid $15 for a '10min backrub' by the departure gate and the massage woman starts singing enya and improvising her own words like 'reeelaaax, it's sooooothing in your eyes, youre auara's mine to heal ...' -jeez, I was really really afraid. she put her finger in my ear too which was wrong, all wrong, not sure deliberate, she was a nutter
then I look up and there is an impenetrable forest of wheelchairs jockeying for position all around me, I look up higher and see it's a flight to Lourdes. I look down again and notice ten monks in cadfael robes looking sternly at the people in the wheelchairs (don't know why, maybe they wanted a turn). and my phone rang but i couldn't fish it out of my bag in time and said 'fu*k' - this is my damnation for treating myself to a 10 min weirdo-rubdown, I've been rumbled by my boss, and the wheelies/monk assemblage all heard and cursed me to hell for my profanity
this plus outrageous behaviour from very high maintenance ****** people who insisted on an a la carte meal in the middle AND end of the day, teams in ******** and ****** grossly misbehaving in very different but sleep-stealing ways and some unexpected difficulties in my normally immaculate assassin-squad ****** team
please can I have a nice job down with you ?