There's a man in this building who likes to read newspapers on the toilet. He likes to read our newspapers on the toilet, and always leaves them in there. We don't really fancy retrieving them after he's finished with them, we don't know what he does in there - it's never a grown-up paper with long words and clever people news. It's always one that's got tits in it. That's what he likes looking at while he's sitting in a dark room with his trousers around his ankles.
We know who he is. If he does it one more time I'll tell you his name.