Thursday, 19 November 2009

Planning flamewar

You need to be a bit of a geek to keep up with this one.
Person A = Green
Person B = Blue
Person C = Red

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Obviously when I said meet at 9, I meant 10. I'm really grumpy in the mornings. Think Predator. It's for your own safety.
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Thank fuck. I need at least two cups of tea before I can speak coherently.
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Amen.

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Tea and late starts? You two wouldn't last long in my army.
But fine - I'll just have to make it the third amazing thing I do tomorrow rather than the second.

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...and then round it off with breakfast at Milliways?
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brilliant, just brilliant...
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What are you two nerdspods muttering about?
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you're joking, right? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milliways#Milliways
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I am aware of Mr Adams and various bits of his oeuvre but haven't ever read or watched them. Actually I did start reading HHGTTG but my attention wandered off.
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(Person B) - is it possible to defriend people on lotus notes?
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The TV was before my time.
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TV??? FUCKING TV???

Read the books, or listen to the radio. Either will do as a start. Both must be done. Then, and only then, may you choose to watch the TV. But I wouldn't bother.


Jesus. First it's fucking vampires, then shitty tv sci-fi, now this. Recruitment standards have really gone down in this place...

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Well if the selection criteria were limited to grumpy Glaswegian helmet-botherers who wear one jumper per year and can't recognise great storytelling when it tasers them up the whoopsie then it would be a small department.

But, admittedly, a happy one.
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For your information, miss I-want-to-live-in-an-80s-Vidal-Sassoon-advert, it's two jumpers actually. One is white with blue stripes, the other is blue with white stripes. But of course your neon-saturated eyes probably can't tell the difference...
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Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Quiz night

Subject: Otrivia Newton John

Hello Everyone,

Just a timely reminder about the NABS Quiz, Auction and Discotheque on Thursday night.

In fact, the night would probably only be better if we were to have 2 hours of free booze in the bar first. Hang on, we only bloody have to celebrate the fantastic ******** new business win. ****** will be dancing on the bar in a red swimsuit and serving a variety of milk-based cocktails, before heading upstairs to give us a glimpse of his cerebellum.

We've got some incredible auction prizes too - Some horse-based fun with ***** ******, 42" inches of telly, wedding planners, rugby tickets, *** ******'s helmet, and signed sporting memorabilia to name but a few.

So make sure you're signed up to take on "Quizlamic Jihad", "The *** Cereal Killers", and "Quiz on my face" - there are a few places on teams that still need to be filled, and we've managed to add one more table that is still up for grabs.

Also, to all those who haven't paid, please get your money to ***** ****. Without our help, some planners far away in London will be forced to use Microsoft Excel 2007 to compile spreadsheets. The inhumanity.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Sense of humour FAIL

[context: Board Account Director objects to amusing lookalikes of him in weekly all-staff mailer, but lacks the social skills to articulate said concerns.]

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On reflection I've decided my sense of humour doesn't stretch as far as you clearly think it does.
No more offensive comparison pics thank you.
Do you understand?
******

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Is it not common courtesy when some asks a question to expect a response?
******

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Humblest apologies. Yes, I did understand that request, complex though it was.
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Thanks. And whilst I may appear touchy on the subject (I'm usually not) I got laughed at too much for comfort yesterday - it was a little tiresome - so would appreciate my pics coming off current/future versions with immediate effect.

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Fair enough - do bear in mind that it was ***** who suggested said likenesses. (The same ***** that you compared to 'a potato full of drugs'.)

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***, my friend, I do not bear you any grudge. I am well aware of the source!
I could bark on about 'hands in fires' etc but I won't. Anyway once was mildly amusing, twice a bit offensive...
Matter closed.

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I understand your ire, ****** - nobody likes to be lampooned unjustly, and I have removed the offending images. However, it's important to retain a sense of perspective. *********, by its very nature, is irreverent and ridiculous; while it is never my intention to specifically offend, I like to think that the concept as a whole (and the lookalike section in particular) is a conduit for creativity for the agency; every likeness, such as they may or may not be, is suggested from the user end and published unedited as such. It certainly isn't meant to offend and I apologise for any discomfort or awkwardness this has caused, but I suspect that if your colleagues are laughing at you for something so trivial then perhaps this is an HR matter, rather than something to put on my shoulders.

For future reference, I'm always happy to remove material that's causing issues (like I say, it's never my intention to offend), but steaming in with comments like 'Do you understand?' and making ironic use of the concept of 'common courtesy' is frankly a little bit rude - so let's make a deal. I'll exempt you from any mention in future issues unless it's glowingly rosy, and in return you can refrain from chastising me like a naughty schoolboy. Sound good?

Like you say, matter closed.
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